Sunday, March 29, 2015

Endometriosis Awareness

Alright friends, I am going to get serious for a little bit here. This post is dedicated to awareness for a disease that affects approximately 176 million women and girls worldwide. This disease is usually misdiagnosed. Also, it takes the average woman EIGHT YEARS from their first doctor's appointment  for their symptoms to get an accurate diagnosis. There is no cure for this disease and there is also very limited treatment outside of surgery. This disease is Endometriosis. If you get grossed out about "women's issues" then you probably shouldn't read this post....so you have been warned. 

What is Endometriosis you ask.....".Endometriosis is a painful, chronic disease that affects at least 6.3 million women and girls in the U.S., 1 million in Canada, and millions more worldwide. It occurs when tissue like that which lines the uterus (tissue called the endometrium) is found outside the uterus -- usually in the abdomen on the ovaries, fallopian tubes, and ligaments that support the uterus; the area between the vagina and rectum; the outer surface of the uterus; and the lining of the pelvic cavity. Other sites for these endometrial growths may include the bladder, bowel, vagina, cervix, vulva, and in abdominal surgical scars. Less commonly they are found in the lung, arm, thigh, and other locations.
This misplaced tissue develops into growths or lesions which respond to the menstrual cycle in the same way that the tissue of the uterine lining does: each month the tissue builds up, breaks down, and sheds. Menstrual blood flows from the uterus and out of the body through the vagina, but the blood and tissue shed from endometrial growths has no way of leaving the body. This results in internal bleeding, breakdown of the blood and tissue from the lesions, and inflammation -- and can cause pain, infertility, scar tissue formation, adhesions, and bowel problems." - http://www.endometriosisassn.org/ 




Needless to say, it can be an extremely painful and debilitating disease. This is an issue that affects millions of women everyday but it is seldom talked about all because it has to do with a woman's reproductive organs. Not only is this disease the number one cause for infertility in females but it can be so severe that it prevents a woman from living a normal life. The pain can be so bad that work is missed or going to a family event isn't even an option.


I want to tell you a story....my story....I was 16 and missing school during my period because it made me sick to me stomach because the pain was so bad. Besides the pain I had classic Endo symptoms. I when to a doctor who told me  that it was "normal" and dismissed my pain as "typical female problems". He put me on the pill to help "even me out." Fast forward three years later, I am switching birth control and I tell three different OB/GYNs about my past issues. All of them tell me they are normal. Two years later, I am happily married and ready to start a family. Months and months go by and no pregnancy. Eventually those months turn into a year and a half. I again find myself sitting in a doctor's office where I am told again that my symptoms are normal and there is no way they affect my fertility. A year later, I am diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" and still not pregnant. Finally, I find a doctor who thinks differently. A surgery is scheduled and the diagnosis of Endometriosis is suggested. After, eight years of doctor appointments and blood tests the diagnosis of Endometriosis is confirmed. 

This is my story. And it is not an abnormal story. Most women see several doctor's before they receive a diagnosis. And most of those doctors dismiss their pain. I have been told that it is normal and to basically suck it up because every girl goes through this. But guess what? Not every girl goes through this. 

So why am I even writing this post? March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. Also, Endo is a chronic disease, meaning it doesn't go away. To be honest, I didn't know much about it until I was diagnosed. And I think it is a safe bet to say that there are a lot of people out there who didn't even know something like this existed. If you are reading this, then hopefully you now know what it is. It is quite possible that you will know someone who is has it, a friend, sister, spouse, mother, or aunt. Don't dismiss it. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there and just because I try hard to hide my pain doesn't mean that it isn't there either. This is a very real disease. Want more info? Here is a good place to get started...Women's Health, Endometriosis.  

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Guess What....We Moved!

Well, it is officially official. We are now living in Utah. To be quite honest. a few months ago I didn't think I would ever be typing those words. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this move. It has definitely been the hardest move I have ever made and that is saying a lot since Zac and I have moved around quite a bit.
Zac and I had both been praying the last several months that Zac would be able to know if he should try to find a new job. He wasn't very happy in his current one and we both really wanted to stay in the Seattle area. So when Zac was contacted by CoreBrace, I knew that this was an answer to a pray. Not the answer I wanted but I knew that Zac should take it.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about why I am having such a hard time with Utah. And I think I figured it out. As many of you know, Zac and I have been wanting to start a family for over three years now. The first year, we weren't concerned that there was anything wrong, then the second year hit. We were living in San Diego at the time. That year was brutal. I was not happy. I was heartbroken. I cried almost everyday, I couldn't stand to see pictures of new babies or pregnant women. I left multiple baby showers early and in tears because of the pain. I had no idea why I couldn't get pregnant and I had no friends close by who knew what it was like. Then we moved.
While in Seattle, I discovered the reason why. And I made some of the best friends a girl could ask for. These friends knew what I was going through as they knew themselves what it was like. We could all relate and lean on each other for support. I clung to their friendship and for the first time in over a year, I felt happy and at peace with my situation. I felt that even though I didn't know if I would ever have a family that is was okay for me to be happy.
Leaving them behind when we moved was so hard. I was worried and scared that without them I would fall back into unhappiness. That I wouldn't be able to make new friends and that without their support I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do.
But I see now that Heavenly Father placed those incredible women in my life right when I needed them the most. They will always be my friends. And because of them I am stronger and can face a new place that has so many young mothers and pregnant women. I don't think I could have ever faced Utah without first having lived in Seattle.
There are some really great things about living here though. For one, I have a sister so close, less than five minutes away, close. I am so grateful to have Elise and her family so close. Nothing quite beats having a sister nearby. I am also so much closer to home and my parents. Also, due to lower cost of living and Zac's new job, we are going to be able to pursue a few dreams in the near future that we didn't even think were possibilities before such as buying a house. Zac and I have a lot to be grateful for. I am excited to face this new adventure with my best friend by my side.

First day of work!

First snow

I have missed the mountains 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

How Far Would You Go?

I have been asking myself this question a lot lately. How far am I willing to go to fulfill my dreams. This month marks the third year of our infertility journey so naturally it has been on my mind a lot more than usual.
When I think of this question I can't but help to also think how far I have come. I have endured 13 rounds of crazy pills (aka Clomid), surgery, pain, hope and heart break.
This past year has been a roller coaster to say the least. Discovering that I have Endometriosis opens a whole flood of emotions and questions. I had surgery about four months ago and sadly the Endometriosis is returning. I can feel it more acutely than I ever have. It is like I was living with the disease for so long that I got used to the way it made me feel then having a few wonderful months of knowing what it is like to not have it around makes me even more aware of the pain and the difference in my body.
Thank goodness for a wonderful husband who somehow manages to deal with my craziness. I was talking to a friend the other day and she asked how Zac was doing with dealing all of this. I said that he is doing really good considering that he never knows what kind of Katelyn he will walk in to when he gets home from work. Sometimes it is a happy Katelyn who has dinner made and the house clean other times it is an emotional mess that has binged on Netflix and is still in her PJs.
Right now I have no idea what to do next and it is scary. There are several options where fertility is concerned, however, I am learning there are not so many options where Endo is concerned. Even if I were to get pregnant the symptoms of the disease would come right back and will continue to get worse as time passes.
I have been reading every book I can find at the library about it hoping I can find ways to slow it down. So many things in my life are making more sense. As many of you know, I need a lot of sleep and am almost always tired. It turns out that fatigue is a common symptom of Endo. The extreme pain and nausea that comes with each cycle are also common symptoms. I also have weirdly sensitive skin and I am allergic to nickel and fragrances. According to one book, there is a link between autoimmune disorders such as allergies and endometriosis as endo itself is thought to be an autoimmune disease. Women with endometriosis were more likely to have an autoimmune disorder or disease than women without endo.
By learning as much as I can about it, I am hoping to gain at least a little control back. It feels better than not doing anything.
There are a lot of good things that have come from this challenge and I am sure there are more that I haven't even realized yet. However, it is not easy. Sometimes, it feels like each day is a battle between happiness and letting it consume me. I refuse to let this steal my happiness. If I can't beat it, I am at least going to go down fighting.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Hope

The last month has been a whirlwind. A few weeks ago, Zac and I decided to go ahead and get the diagnostic laparoscopy surgery for Endometriosis. I called the doctor's office and they told me that it would take about two weeks to hear back from the insurance and probably another month after that before the actual surgery.
Last week I got a call from the doctor's office and they said they had a cancellation for the 25th. So I took it! It has definitely been an eventful week. 
On Monday, I had my pre-op appointment which went pretty well, except for passing out while getting my blood work done. Haha. It was more embarrassing than anything else.  If I don't eat anything before I get my blood drawn I pass out and according to the nurse I turn the color of a green olive. Needless, to say I was in no shape to drive home or to pick up Zac from the park and ride. There are definite perks of your doctor being in your ward. He drove me home then picked up Zac for me. Sometimes I wonder if the reason Zac and I are in Seattle is just so that Dr. S can be my doctor.  He really is such a sweet and caring man. 
The surgery was scheduled for Wednesday morning. The toughest part was waiting. We waited about three hours from the time we got there to the time they put me out. Thankfully, Zac was able to wait with me. 

I promise, I am not sleeping, yet. Zac streamed the Argentina game for me while we waited. It definitely made the wait go by faster and it was fun to talk about with the staff as well. 
It was over before I knew it. I think having my wisdom teeth removed in high school was much more painful than this surgery. I don't know about you, but I am terrible when it comes to stuff like this. The first thing I do is research it on the web and of course I find all of the horror stories. I don't know what those ladies were talking about because it was really quite simple and painless for me. The doc prescribed me some pain meds, but I have been doing just fine on Ibuprofen. 
They did find Endometriosis. To be honest, I am relieved. I think my biggest fear going into this is that they wouldn't find anything and then I would be back at square one. I didn't get to speak to the doctor as I was a little loopy from all the meds. However, he spoke with Zac. He said there was significant amounts with the majority being on the left side, around my tubes. I am not sure if it was inside, outside or both. He was able to remove most if not all of what he found and he also flushed my tubes several times. So I should be pretty cleaned out down there. 
At my pre-op appointment Dr. S said I had a good 3-5 month window afterwards before the Endometriosis starts to come back. I am feeling rather hopeful that this time it is going to work that this time I will get pregnant. 
I have my post-op in two weeks, where Dr. S will go over in detail what he found and what it means exactly. He took a lot of pictures of my beautiful insides, sadly I was too sleepy to really see or comprehend them. So, we will be going over those again as well. 
Right now, I am just sore. It feels like I did too many sit ups and that I have a cramp in my shoulder. Apparently, the gas that they use to inflate your abdomen causes shoulder pain afterwards. Who knew. Also, I feel slightly like a balloon as the gas leaves you bloated. 
Good news, is that I can be back to normal activity levels in two weeks. I can even begin going on walks as soon as I feel up to it.   
I am really happy that we decided to do the surgery. It was definitely the right decision for us. I now have a definitive answer as to why I haven't been able to get pregnant the last 2 years and 7 months. 
With Endometriosis effecting over 5 million women in the world you would think that it would be easier to get it diagnosed. I had my first doctor's appointment for female issues when I was 16 and they brushed it off as if it were no big deal. Telling me that it was because I was still growing and that my pain was normal. Then, I went through two other doctors as an adult who also brushed it off saying that there was nothing wrong with me. I am so glad that I have finally found a doctor who was willing to take the next step and really find out what was going on.  
We will see what Dr. S says about my options in two weeks! In the meantime, I am going to soak in the feeling of hope! 

Monday, April 14, 2014

National Infertility Awareness Week 2014

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I want to take this opportunity to help increase awareness. Resolve.org is a non profit organization that is a great place to find resources and is devoted to bringing awareness to this disease. Yes, it is a disease. I am frequent visitor to their website. They have encouraged me to share and to use this opportunity to let others know. I have debated with myself if I should post this list or if I should just keep it to myself. This has been a private list of mine for the last several months. I don't like to post posts that are sad or that may come off as complaining because I really do have a lot to be grateful for. I try to put on a brave face and look for the positive during this journey. But in reality, there is a lot of pain and heartache that is involved. Below is my personal list of confessions about my infertility. These are the things that I struggle with on a daily basis, some of my innermost feelings that I want to share with you. By sharing this list, I just want you to know that this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and that I hope that this will help you understand a little bit more about me and about infertility. 

  • It feels like someone is trying to rip my heart out every time I see a new born baby, expectant soon-to-be mother or a darling little girl.
  • I sometimes un-follow your Facebook posts, Instagram or blog because I can't handle all of the baby pictures, complaining posts about pregnancy/kids and pregnancy announcements.
  • I secretly wish I was strong enough to tell you that it hurts every time you complain about your greatest blessing.
  • I would give up anything to go through morning sickness, hardly get any sleep and have a messy house if it meant I had a child.
  • I appreciate your suggestions, but lets be honest, I have already tried to just relax and any other old wife's tale that helped your sister's friend's sister get pregnant. I just read a study about full fat dairy increasing fertility....ice cream anyone?
  • I purposely plan my route in Target to avoid the baby section.
  • Each month, I start to in-vision what it would be like to be pregnant and a mother....only to be reminded, painfully, that this month isn't the month.
  • I cry a lot.....more than anyone would ever expect or even know.
  • I think about infertility everyday....every single day.
  • I frequently dream I am pregnant or that I have a baby. Sometimes they are so real that I wake up half expecting to find that child really there.
  • I have a secret Pinterest board for infertility to remind myself that I am not alone.
  • Please don't tell me that I have plenty of time or that I am still young, that doesn't make me feel any better.
  • I genuinely don't mind you asking me about it. I honestly would rather have you ask than to have you wonder.
  • Each month I feel so guilty because there must have been something more I could have done to make it happen.

If you have a friend or loved one going through a similar situation, give them a hug this week and let them know that you care. They may need it much more than you know.



Friday, February 28, 2014

Press Forward With Faith

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."
2 Nephi 31: 20 


Sometimes when you are feeling like you are getting close to your breaking point, Heavenly Father reminds you that He is there and that he cares.

As hard as this is, it has been so comforting to know that I have family that knows exactly what it is like and what it feels like. They are always there to give me great advice and courage to share my journey. If no one knows what I am going through then how can I expect them to understand. I have been a little mopey about not having my friends in San Diego that knew everything and trying to make new friends is always a little hard. When the Relief Society teacher asked the question about the different challenges we have each faced in our lives, I knew that I wouldn't have a more perfect opportunity to share this part of me. As soon as the lesson was over I was approached by so many different sisters that had dealt or who were dealing with the same thing. I had an instant support system and made instant friends. Everyone was so kind and understanding. Making the choice to share my story of infertility was one of the best decisions I have made. 

Also this week, Zac and I had an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I had cross referenced doctors who accepted our insurance with those who had good reviews leaving me with only one real option, Dr. S. I don't know about you, but doctor's visits always make me nervous. I was so nervous. Dr. S walked in and shook our hands and said "You two look familiar". He sure didn't look familiar to me! Turns out Dr. S is Mormon and in our Ward! Someone was watching out for me when I scheduled that appointment and knew that I needed a little bit extra support going into this appointment. He looked through our medical records and asked us a lot of questions and he was not satisfied with the diagnosis of Unexplained Infertility! I almost stood up and did a little dance right there. He is positive that there is a reason why and that my previous doctor was a little hasty on just starting infertility treatments without looking further. He was also surprised at the large dosage of Clomid that my previous doctor had me on. He explained that being on too high of a dosage can actually make it harder to get pregnant. That explains the awful side effects as well. After talking to Dr. S a little longer, he believes that it is possible that the cause of my infertility is either PCOS, Endometriosis, or LPD (Luteal Phase Defect). As strange as it sounds, and as scary as all of those problems are, I am relieved. I am relieved that it may be possible to fix the problem and not just treat the effect. 

By another miracle, my doctor's appointment was on the exact day needed for Progesterone blood tests to test for Ovulation and PCOS. Once the blood results are in then that will determine the next course of action and one step closer to a diagnosis. 

Sometimes the smallest things make all the difference in the world. And most of all they have given me hope. Hope that I can still reach my dreams and goals of becoming a mother, hope that we can find a solution. 

Monday, November 4, 2013

Two Years

Life is definitely not what I ever expected it to be. In my vision of what was supposed to happen I was supposed to be a lovely wife and mother caring for her young family. Instead I find myself struggling with something that I never thought I would struggle with.
I think about it all the time. Every time I see an expectant mother or a sweet baby I experience a pain and a yearning that I have never even really thought about until a few years ago.
Once, in the first year of marriage, I was late one month and I was terrified at the thought that I was possibly pregnant. Now I would give almost anything to be pregnant. This month is my two year mark of infertility. This post also marks my 100th post on my blog. I have learned a lot in the last two years, a lot of hard lessons. I have also learned the importance of pray, friends, family and an attitude of gratitude. I try really hard not to feel sorry for myself because I know that there are others that are going through difficult trials as well. I can only be grateful for the many blessings I have in life. So to honor my 100th post, I have composed a list of 100 things that I am thankful for...

  1. Zac 
  2. Mom
  3. Dad
  4. Sisters
  5. Brother
  6. Nephews
  7. Sibling-in-laws
  8. Parents-in-laws
  9. Grandparents
  10. Cousins
  11. Aunts and Uncles 
  12. Warm socks
  13. Hot showers
  14. Warm summer days
  15. The leaves changing color in the Fall
  16. All of my friends!
  17. The Gospel
  18. Jesus Christ
  19. God
  20. Church
  21. Pray
  22. The Book of Mormon
  23. Visiting teachers 
  24. Home teachers
  25. Hot Chocolate
  26. Music
  27. Couches 
  28. My bed
  29. Clothes
  30. Hands
  31. Eyes
  32. Ears
  33. My hair
  34. Nose
  35. My car
  36. My job
  37. My boss/co-workers
  38. BYU
  39. Soccer
  40. My cell phone
  41. The United States
  42. My ancestors 
  43. General conference
  44. School teachers
  45. Sunday school/YW teachers/leaders 
  46. My piano teachers
  47. My Orchestra teachers
  48. My soccer coaches
  49. My basketball coaches
  50. A good book on a cold winter day
  51. The smell of the earth after rain
  52. Monsoon season
  53. Hiking trails
  54. Swimming pools
  55. The ocean
  56. My bike
  57. Warm chocolate chip cookies
  58. Ice cream
  59. Doctors
  60. Dentists
  61. Contacts
  62. Glasses
  63. Soap
  64. Lotion
  65. Chap stick
  66. Family traditions 
  67. Thank yous 
  68. My iPod
  69. My heart
  70. My legs 
  71. Races 
  72. My sewing machine
  73. Animals
  74. Disneyland
  75. Kisses
  76. Hugs
  77. Love
  78. Snow
  79. Holidays
  80. A clean apartment
  81. Movies
  82. Cameras
  83. Microwaves
  84. Clean water
  85. Modern refrigeration
  86. Computers
  87. The internet 
  88. Sweaters
  89. Yoga pants 
  90. airplanes
  91. Police officers
  92. Firefighters
  93. Eyebrows
  94. Teeth
  95. California Surf n' Turf Burritos 
  96. Air conditioning
  97. Heaters 
  98. Electricity 
  99. Pillows
  100. Moon and Stars