Our Story

If you were to ask me what the hardest thing about infertility is I would say it is the heartbreak that we live through each month. It is seeing my friends and family get pregnant with their first, second and third. It is the happiness I see on a father’s face as he holds his newborn in his arms and not knowing if I will ever be able to give that to my husband.  It is the emptiness that fills my heart. It is the feeling that I have lost my purpose in life.

This sounds so sad and it is. However, we have come to realize that our happiness isn’t dependent on our ability to have or not to have children. We choose each day that we will be happy no matter what our future holds. And for the most part it works. I am not saying that we don’t have bad days because believe me, we do. There are days where I can’t handle going to the grocery store because of all the beautiful families. There are days where I breakdown and cry for hours and my husband just holds me until it passes. But with every bad day comes a new day with fresh hope.

My husband and I met at the young ages of 21 and 18 and were married at 22 and 19. We were both in school and had so much fun going through college together. We always knew that we wanted children. The question wasn't “do you want kids?” it was “how many kids do you want?”. It was always the plan that as soon as I finished my degree that we would start our family. Graduation was close so we decided it was time. Then 6 months went by and I wasn't too worried. It takes lots of people up to a full year to get pregnant, right? A year came and went and still no pregnancy. I saw my first doctor in the spring of 2013. My first visit went something like this….oh just keep trying you are so young (I was 23 at the time). A few months later I was back. This time they ordered blood work for me and my husband. I was poked, proded and pumped full of dye. Everything came back normal. According to science…I should have been pregnant a long time ago…like a year and a half ago. I was given the diagnosis of “unexplained infertility”. Nothing is more frustrating than someone telling you nothing is wrong when you know something is. 

I was put on an infertility medication called Clomid.  Thanks to my dear husband for not leaving me while I was on that drug. I had crazy mood swings. One minute I was super happy and the next I was in a ball on the floor in tears. I would eventually do 13 rounds of Clomid.

A year later, we had moved and found a new doctor. We dove headfirst into mine and my husband’s medical history. This doctor thought it was possible that I had a chronic disease called Endometriosis. Endometriosis is a disease where the cells that line the inside of the uterus begin growing outside of the uterus. The cells can basically grow anywhere where there is a blood supply. It is extremely painful and mostly a disease I had been living with since I was 14. We scheduled a surgery for the summer of 2014. After I came out of the anesthesia, my doctor confirmed that I indeed have Endometriosis. Part of me was relieved. I finally had an answer. At my follow-up appointment my doctor reassured me that I would be pregnant within 5 months. Five months came and went and no pregnancy.

This time, when I went back to the doctor, it was different. I had a diagnosis, we had tried the first lines of attack and they had all failed. It was now time to think about more serious treatments such as IUI and IVF.

At this time my husband received a great job offer that required that we move out of state. We found a doctor who specialized not only in infertility but in Endometriosis. At our first appointment, he decided to retest my husband. The results came back....we were dealing with both female and male factor infertility. Something all prior doctors had failed to find. This cut our options for pregnancy down to one, IVF with ICSI. 

We decided to give it a go. If it worked, great! If not, we would stop trying and figure it out from there. Our first round of IVF was scheduled for December 2015. We were successful! We found out that the round worked on December 27th, 2015. And I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy September 2016.

Even though we have found a way to resolve our infertility, we will always be "infertile". We will always have to go through IVF in order to get pregnant. There is no guarantee.  

Most parents get pregnant with their kids for free. Infertile couples have to put on hold dreams of home ownership and saving for children’s college education so they can use that money to try and just get pregnant. The average round of IVF is around $15,000 and because of my Endometriosis our chances of succeeding greatly decrease. Our insurance covered diagnostics but will not cover any treatment meaning the full cost of IVF will come out of our savings.

Both my husband and I would agree that having a good support network is key to dealing with infertility.  Both of my older sisters are experiencing secondary infertility and I have several close friends that are going through the same challenge. They all know my thoughts and feelings of inadequacy, doubt and fear. And are available to talk to whenever I need to vent.

Infertility and the causes of infertility are rarely talked about.  Most couples suffer alone and in silence. I know we did before we realized it was so much easier to be open about it instead of coming up with lame excuses at family reunions or when running into old friends.

We have not given up hope and have come so far in the last four and a half years. I like to think that we are closer as a couple because of what we have gone through. If you are going through infertility, you are not alone.