Today I had my first official doctors appointment for infertility. There is something comforting being able to finally say that yes, Zac and I are dealing with infertility. I know it might sound weird, but it is nice to have it finally confirmed. One of the first things my doctor told me is that I was in the right place, that I was not over-reacting and that I am not paranoid. I don't know how he knew that was what I needed to hear.
The last year and a half has been a challenge, hoping each month that that month is month that we will be able to begin our family. Then to have each month end with a reminder that I am not pregnant, better luck next time. I never knew how difficult it would be to deal with something like this. I never knew what those women and men were going through. How each time they see a happy family or when another friend announces a pregnancy that it is another painful reminder that you are still waiting....I was really struggling.
Then a few months ago, I was reading the general conference talks from April. I came across a talk by Elder Cook about finding personal peace. It helped me realize that I am in charge of my own happiness and my own peace. And that no matter what this world throws at me, I can still be happy. It is easy to get caught up in the " I will be happy when..." game. I will be happy when I finally get pregnant, I will be happy when Zac finally is finished with school. If you choose to have this mentality then you are in for a long ride of "I will be happy whens". I know when I have a family there will always be another challenge to take on and to overcome. There are way too many great people to meet, fun things to do and goals to be achieved to be wasting time being sad.
This road could be short or it could be long. But right now it feels so good to finally feel like I am moving forward.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mother's Day
Today is Mother's Day! I have the most wonderful mother and mother-in-law anyone could ask for. They are both incredible women who I look up to. I love them both so much and feel very blessed to be their daughter and daughter-in-law.
Growing up and now, my mom has always been an example to me as well as a friend. The older I get the more and more I realize how truly blessed I am to have such a wonderful mother. She has so many amazing qualities and I strive each day to be as amazing as she is. She is strong, brave, smart, funny, and she really does know everything. :) I have a bazillion great memories of my mom. Way to many to share on here. She also taught me many valuable lessons. She encouraged me never to quit on things I had committed to do. I am so glad that she made me stick with the Piano. I am also so glad that she taught me how to work and how to work hard. Both of those have proved to be important lately. So, Mom, thank you for being my mom and always loving me when I made mistakes. Thank you for always be someone I can lean on. I miss your hugs everyday. If I could convince Zac to move back to St. Johns, I would just to be close to my mom.
Mother's day is a day that I try to focus on my mom and the other wonderful women in my life, but this Mother's Day is a little different. It is the 2nd Mother's Day where I was hoping to be a mother or at least a soon to be mother. Obviously, that is not the case. I never realized how painful not being able to get pregnant could be. I have struggled with many emotions over the last little while: jealousy, envy, frustration, and sadness. It is an incredibly difficult situation to be in. Just ask Zac, I have been a roller coaster of emotions. But I think I am starting to find ways to help with those emotions. It is still a work in progress. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me even though I don't fully understand the "why". Even though, I get angry when people complain about their pregnancy or their kids messes. I do know this, that I am loved and that He is mindful of me. Hopefully, in the coming months I will get some answers. But for now this will have to be enough.
Happy Mother's Day to all the women in my life who have taught me so much,who have loved me, and have been my friend.
Growing up and now, my mom has always been an example to me as well as a friend. The older I get the more and more I realize how truly blessed I am to have such a wonderful mother. She has so many amazing qualities and I strive each day to be as amazing as she is. She is strong, brave, smart, funny, and she really does know everything. :) I have a bazillion great memories of my mom. Way to many to share on here. She also taught me many valuable lessons. She encouraged me never to quit on things I had committed to do. I am so glad that she made me stick with the Piano. I am also so glad that she taught me how to work and how to work hard. Both of those have proved to be important lately. So, Mom, thank you for being my mom and always loving me when I made mistakes. Thank you for always be someone I can lean on. I miss your hugs everyday. If I could convince Zac to move back to St. Johns, I would just to be close to my mom.
Mother's day is a day that I try to focus on my mom and the other wonderful women in my life, but this Mother's Day is a little different. It is the 2nd Mother's Day where I was hoping to be a mother or at least a soon to be mother. Obviously, that is not the case. I never realized how painful not being able to get pregnant could be. I have struggled with many emotions over the last little while: jealousy, envy, frustration, and sadness. It is an incredibly difficult situation to be in. Just ask Zac, I have been a roller coaster of emotions. But I think I am starting to find ways to help with those emotions. It is still a work in progress. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me even though I don't fully understand the "why". Even though, I get angry when people complain about their pregnancy or their kids messes. I do know this, that I am loved and that He is mindful of me. Hopefully, in the coming months I will get some answers. But for now this will have to be enough.
Happy Mother's Day to all the women in my life who have taught me so much,who have loved me, and have been my friend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)