Today I had my first official doctors appointment for infertility. There is something comforting being able to finally say that yes, Zac and I are dealing with infertility. I know it might sound weird, but it is nice to have it finally confirmed. One of the first things my doctor told me is that I was in the right place, that I was not over-reacting and that I am not paranoid. I don't know how he knew that was what I needed to hear.
The last year and a half has been a challenge, hoping each month that that month is month that we will be able to begin our family. Then to have each month end with a reminder that I am not pregnant, better luck next time. I never knew how difficult it would be to deal with something like this. I never knew what those women and men were going through. How each time they see a happy family or when another friend announces a pregnancy that it is another painful reminder that you are still waiting....I was really struggling.
Then a few months ago, I was reading the general conference talks from April. I came across a talk by Elder Cook about finding personal peace. It helped me realize that I am in charge of my own happiness and my own peace. And that no matter what this world throws at me, I can still be happy. It is easy to get caught up in the " I will be happy when..." game. I will be happy when I finally get pregnant, I will be happy when Zac finally is finished with school. If you choose to have this mentality then you are in for a long ride of "I will be happy whens". I know when I have a family there will always be another challenge to take on and to overcome. There are way too many great people to meet, fun things to do and goals to be achieved to be wasting time being sad.
This road could be short or it could be long. But right now it feels so good to finally feel like I am moving forward.
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