"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."
2 Nephi 31: 20
Sometimes when you are feeling like you are getting close to your breaking point, Heavenly Father reminds you that He is there and that he cares.
As hard as this is, it has been so comforting to know that I have family that knows exactly what it is like and what it feels like. They are always there to give me great advice and courage to share my journey. If no one knows what I am going through then how can I expect them to understand. I have been a little mopey about not having my friends in San Diego that knew everything and trying to make new friends is always a little hard. When the Relief Society teacher asked the question about the different challenges we have each faced in our lives, I knew that I wouldn't have a more perfect opportunity to share this part of me. As soon as the lesson was over I was approached by so many different sisters that had dealt or who were dealing with the same thing. I had an instant support system and made instant friends. Everyone was so kind and understanding. Making the choice to share my story of infertility was one of the best decisions I have made.
Also this week, Zac and I had an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I had cross referenced doctors who accepted our insurance with those who had good reviews leaving me with only one real option, Dr. S. I don't know about you, but doctor's visits always make me nervous. I was so nervous. Dr. S walked in and shook our hands and said "You two look familiar". He sure didn't look familiar to me! Turns out Dr. S is Mormon and in our Ward! Someone was watching out for me when I scheduled that appointment and knew that I needed a little bit extra support going into this appointment. He looked through our medical records and asked us a lot of questions and he was not satisfied with the diagnosis of Unexplained Infertility! I almost stood up and did a little dance right there. He is positive that there is a reason why and that my previous doctor was a little hasty on just starting infertility treatments without looking further. He was also surprised at the large dosage of Clomid that my previous doctor had me on. He explained that being on too high of a dosage can actually make it harder to get pregnant. That explains the awful side effects as well. After talking to Dr. S a little longer, he believes that it is possible that the cause of my infertility is either PCOS, Endometriosis, or LPD (Luteal Phase Defect). As strange as it sounds, and as scary as all of those problems are, I am relieved. I am relieved that it may be possible to fix the problem and not just treat the effect.
By another miracle, my doctor's appointment was on the exact day needed for Progesterone blood tests to test for Ovulation and PCOS. Once the blood results are in then that will determine the next course of action and one step closer to a diagnosis.
Sometimes the smallest things make all the difference in the world. And most of all they have given me hope. Hope that I can still reach my dreams and goals of becoming a mother, hope that we can find a solution.
